1、我姑父刚买了新车，在我们家门口秀车技。突然咣当一声，再然后就是碎瓶子的声音。原来倒车撞上了我儿子小三轮车上收集的各种各样的瓶子。这下我儿子不干了，在地方翻滚哭闹。姑父下车一看:得，碰上碰瓷的了，开个价吧！最后以一瓶娃哈哈，一包方便面，一盒糖解决了事故！

　　2、女儿上幼儿园了，回来以后扮演老师给我们上课，自己说着说着，突然捂着裤子说，同学们，老师有尿先去尿尿，还没走出多远就尿裤子了，我赶紧去给他换，谁知道他竟然说，这位同学回去做好，老师尿裤子了可以自己换，瞬间我就笑的不行了

　　3、舅舅好赌，家里是舅妈管钱。前几天，舅舅偷偷拿家里的钱打麻将输了。外婆恨铁不成钢，一气之下，抄起拐杖就往舅舅身上招呼，把舅舅打伤了。我去看舅舅，心疼的对外婆抱怨道 : “外婆，你对舅舅也太狠心了吧！”外婆叹气道 : “我还不是为这臭小子好啊？幸亏我抢先出手了，要是由你舅妈出手呀，你舅舅现在指不定还躺在哪家医院呢！”

　　4、隔壁家着火了，场面大乱，我在睡觉听到喊声没太注意。突然我爹冲进门来大嚎道：“儿子，快下来！” 你们以为这是G潮？我下来时，老爹又来了句：“快！隔壁家着火了，快去看，不看就灭了。”灭了。 我到现在都忘不了邻居看我们父子的眼神

　　5、听说我想买个保温杯，儿子就自告奋勇说：我知道哪儿有卖的，而且非常精致！于是他兴高采烈地带我来到超市搞活动的柜台前，售货员说：只需买两箱奶，便可送一个不锈钢保温杯！……儿子喝上了奶，我也有了保温杯。。。

　　6、现在的小孩子是要成精啊。我侄女今年4岁半了，上幼儿园。就刚刚，她避开一家人的目光，偷偷把我拉到一旁，拿出一个心形的盒子给我。我打开一看，里面有个蛇果。她一脸嘚瑟的跟我说，看看，这是我男朋友给我的。我的天哪，虐死我了！！

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　　).attr(src,o).hide();t(n.body).append(u),window[s]=function(){clearTimeout(a),delete r.object;var e=u[0].contentWindow,n=e.document,s=r.store=n.createElement(input);setTimeout(function(){s.addBehavior(#default#userData),n.body.appendChild(s),s.load(r.storeName),t.each(i.data,function(e,t){s.setAttribute(e,t)}),s.save(r.storeName)},30)};var a=setTimeout(function(){u.remove()},2e4)})}},set:function(e,t){this.object?this.object.set(e,t):(this.store.load(this.storeName),this.store.setAttribute(e,t),this.store.save(this.storeName))},get:function(e,t){if(this.object)return this.object.get(e,t);this.store.load(this.storeName);var n=this.store.getAttribute(e);return null!==n?n:t},remove:function(e){this.object?this.object.remove(e):this.store.removeAttribute(e)}},a={init:function(){this.data=this.data{}},set:function(e,t){this.data[e]=t},get:function(e,t){var n=this.data[e];return void 0!==n?n:t},remove:function(e){delete this.data[e]}},f=navigator.userAgent.toLowerCase(),l=f.match(/msie ([\d.]+)/),c=l&&l[1],h=6==c7==c;e.utils.storage=function(e){var t;switch(e){default:caselocal:try{t=window.localStorage?r:h?u:a}catch(e){t=a}break;casesession:try{t=window.sessionStorage?i:a}catch(e){t=a}break;casecookie:t=o()?s:a;break;casepage:t=a}return t.init&&t.init(),t},h&&u.init()}(QHPass),function(e){use strict;var t=e.$,n=立即登录,r=e.ERROR={REALNAME_EMPTY:{errno:204,errmsg:请输入您的真实姓名},REALNAME_INVALID:{errno:227,errmsg:请确认您输入的真实姓名是否有误},ACCOUNT_EMPTY:{errno:1030,errmsg:请输入360帐号},ACCOUNT_INVALID:{errno:1035,errmsg:请确认您的帐号输入是否有误},ACCOUNT_DUPLICATE:{errno:1037,errmsg:该帐号已经注册，+n},USERNAME_DUPLICATE:{errno:213,errmsg:用户名已经被使用，+n},USERNAME_EMPTY:{errno:215,errmsg:请输入用户名},USERNAME_INAPPROPRIATE:{errno:225,ermsg:用户名包含不适当内容},USERNAME_INVALID:{errno:199,errmsg:用户名应为2-14个字符,支持中英文、数字或_},USERNAME_NUMBER:{errno:200,errmsg:用户名不能全为数字},NICKNAME_EMPTY:{errno:205,errmsg:请输入昵称},NICKNAME_DUPLICATE:{errno:260,errmsg:昵称已经被使用},NICKNAME_INAPPROPRIATE:{errno:226,errmsg:昵称包含不适当内容},NICKNAME_NUMBER:{errno:262,errmsg:昵称不能全部是数字},NICKNAME_INVALID:{errno:15e3,errmsg:昵称应为2-14个字符,支持中英文、数字、_或.},EMAIL_EMPTY:{errno:203,errmsg:请输入邮箱},EMAIL_INVALID:{errno:1532,errmsg:邮箱格式有误},EMAIL_NOT_ACTIVATED:{errno:2e4},MOBILE_EMPTY:{errno:1107,errmsg:请输入手机号},MOBILE_INVALID:{errno:1100,errmsg:手机号格式有误},MOBILE_DUPLICATE:{errno:1106,errmsg:该手机号已经注册，+n},CAPTCHA_INVALID:{errno:78e3,errmsg:验证码错误请重新输入},CAPTCHA_INVALID_OLD:{errno:1670,errmsg:验证码错误请重新输入},CAPTCHA_EMPTY:{errno:78002,errmsg:请输入验证码},CAPTCHA_APPID_INVALID:{errno:1300,errmsg:验证码格式有误},SMS_TOKEN_EMPTY:{errno:1350,errmsg:请输入校验码},SMS_TOKEN_INCORRECT:{errno:1351,errmsg:校验码输入有误},PASSWORD_EMPTY:{errno:211,errmsg:请输入密码},PASSWORD_INVALID:{errno:1065,errmsg:密码长度应为6-20个字符},PASSWORD_LEVEL_LOW:{errno:54999,errmsg:密码安全级别过低},PASSWORD_WEAK:{errno:54999,errmsg:密码弱，有风险，请重新输入},PASSWORD_ORDERED:{errno:54999,errmsg:密码不能为连续字符},PASSWORD_CHAR_REPEAT:{errno:54999,errmsg:密码不能全为相同字符},PASSWORD_WRONG:{errno:220,errmsg:登录密码错误，请重新输入},PASSWORD_NOT_MATCH:{errno:1091,errmsg:两次密码输入不一致},PASSWORD_FULL_SHARP:{errno:54e3,errmsg:密码不能包含中文字符，请重新设置},IDENTIFY_EXPIRE:{errno:153e3},NOT_SIGNED_IN:{errno:1501,errmsg:用户未登陆},UNKNOWN_ERROR:{errno:999999,errmsg:未知错误},SUCCESS:{errno:0,errmsg:操作成功},TIME_OUT:{errno:1,errmsg:网络超时}},i=e.utils=e.utils{},s={1105:该手机号未注册360帐号,1402:手机号当天发送短信次数超限,201:该邮箱已经注册，+n,3e4:该手机号已经注册，请直接用手机号登录,30007:该手机号已经注册，请直接用手机号登录,65002:该帐号未开启短信登录功能，立即开启,65001:该帐号只能通过短信登录，关闭此功能,221:帐号被封禁，点此联系客服,78001:提交过于频。